I want to be real.

When I first thought about making my own blog nearly a year ago, I figured it would be easy. It would take some commitment, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Within a few weeks, my first blog was getting more and more difficult to maintain. After a few months went by, it got little more than a cursory glance from me once in a while. In the end, it was abandoned, and the desire to have my own place to write laid dormant for a while.

Until now.

I changed my major. I started therapy. I was starting to find a way to understand my true goals and aspirations in life, not just what they should be. I “wanted” to go to medical school despite always hating and never being good at math and science. I “wanted” to be a psychiatrist despite my lack of interest in relying on biological cures to what could be beyond the realm of drugs (and appealing to pharmaceutical companies). What ultimately turned my head around, however, was my GPA. Influenced by my disinterest and my misery in physics and organic chemistry, I got nearly straight B’s. This is equivalent to straight F’s when trying to get into med school.

So, what about psychology? My original interest, my saving grace, my…destiny? All I know is that I’m happier than I’ve been in all the years I’ve been in school. That has to count for something.

Along with finding my new stride in psychology, I am the president of a student organization, Active Minds at the University of West Florida. We are a chapter of the national, nonprofit organization that works to decrease the stigma surrounding mental illness, advocate for mental health awareness, and ultimately prevent suicide on college campuses through events designed to get people talking. I am also a part of the congregation at Temple Beth El and I help lead Shabbat services once a month as a cantor, with my mom accompanying me on the piano. I recently joined UWF Singers, a choral group on campus. I am currently doing a post-a-day on Instagram (@comradeyanovsky) to try and find happiness.

Which means, all in all, I am very busy.

However, I want to find time to write. I want to create a habit for myself that I self-reflect and strive to improve and challenge myself in every aspect of my life, including writing, my first love.

My first blog was anonymous. I tried to hide myself behind a clever name and strange posts. But this time, I want to be real. Welcome to my journey.

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